Spreading Hope and Saving Lives
One day at lunch as I scrolled through social media, I stopped at a post with a picture of a young woman with the words “We Remember” under it. I read the post and learned she was murdered by an ex-boyfriend and left behind two young children. She also was the 12th confirmed victim of intimate partner homicide in Minnesota in 2025. Her name was Lindsey Kaye.
That post made me think of Colleen and Linda. Colleen was a colleague of mine at the Target I worked at while in college. Linda, whom I never met, was married to the man I had my first car accident with. Both were murdered by their husbands. It was with all three women in mind that I reached out to Violence Free Minnesota (VFMN), whose post I had read, to find out more about their work. Meggie Royer, VFMN’s senior communications manager, was kind enough to speak with me.
Photo Credit: Violence Free Minnesota
The Work is Not Easy
Remembering victims of intimate partner homicide is an incredibly important part of VFMN’s work, but just one important part of it. Their goal is to bring an end to intimate partner violence in Minnesota, and as I learned from speaking with Meggie, they are doing a lot to make that hope a reality.
Meggie has been with VFMN for a little over six years. She wanted to work in the field because of her own experience with domestic violence and her desire to support people who’d had similar experiences. She started out working at an organization directly supporting victims/survivors of relationship abuse. When a position opened up at VFMN, she saw it as a chance to help create change on a state-wide level and get more involved in prevention work.
VFMN’s mission is to represent victims/survivors of relationship abuse and member programs; challenge systems and institutions that allow intimate partner abuse to thrive; promote social change; and support and build connections between member programs. They support over 90 organizations across the state that work directly with victims/survivors and perpetrators of intimate partner abuse by:
Securing state funding to support member’s work.
Shaping state and national policy to support victims/survivors.
Identifying challenges, trends and successes that members are experiencing.
Raising public awareness of domestic violence and its impact on victims/survivors and the wider community.
To put it more simply, they are spreading hope and saving lives.
Power and Control
On October 1, which marks the start of Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, the 2024 Homicide Report will be released. The annual report is a chance to document and name the people who were killed as a result of intimate partner violence. Over the years, VFMN’s members have helped shape the report and some are responsible for writing sections of it. They also help with the annual Homicide Memorial Event, which remembers and honors the people who were killed as a result of domestic violence.
VFMN believes intimate partner abuse isn’t just an issue between the victim and abuser. It is a public health issue that affects all of us, and needs to be put in the context of the violence that is happening nationally and globally. The need for power and control is the thread that connects violence around the world to domestic abuse happening locally.
One of the things Meggie says people get wrong about relationship abuse and intimate partner homicide, is it’s a women’s issue. Stories in the media about both are usually about white women. Relationship abuse and intimate partner homicide in 2SLGBTQIA+ (Two-Spirit, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Intersex, Asexual/Agender), Indigenous and communities of color are often under reported and if if they are reported, tragically don’t get the attention they deserve from either law enforcement and the mainstream media. To ensure all victims of domestic abuse and intimate partner homicide are represented and remembered, VFMN partners with Outfront Minnesota and the state offices of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Relatives and Missing and Murdered Black Women and Girls. Each organization has provided statements in the annual homicide report to document the impact of domestic abuse in their communities.
Another thing many of us get wrong about relationship abuse is believing abusers can’t change. Some member organizations, in addition to working with victims/survivors, are also working with perpetrators. Domestic Abuse Transformation Programs help participants, most of whom are men, become aware of and understand:
How attitudes, beliefs and social norms, especially about violence toward women, have shaped their behavior.
Address and work through issues with trauma and or substance abuse.
Meggie says if VFMN is to achieve its goal of ending intimate partner violence more men need to be involved in the work, and we have to believe abusers can change.
Key Risk Factors
Not everyone who is being abused by a partner wants to leave the relationship and not all abuse is physical. Meggie says there are lots of reasons a person chooses to stay in an abusive relationship. Victims of domestic abuse face significant barriers if they leave. Those barriers are even greater if the victim is nonwhite and or 2SLGBTQIA+. In Colleen and Linda’s cases they were both financially dependent on their spouses. In articles written about their murders, they each told at least one other person that they were to blame for their abuse. And in addition to physical abuse, they experienced abuse that left no physical bruises but bruised and broke them mentally and emotionally.
VFMN has identified five key risk factors for intimate partner homicide using national data. They are:
Victim’s attempts to leave the abuser;
Previous threats to kill the victim;
Abuser’s access to firearms;
Abuser’s history of violence; and
Strangulation of the victim.
Photo Credit: Violence Free Minnesota
The presence of just one of these factors in a relationship increases the risk of intimate partner homicide. VFMN realizes there are more risk factors to be identified and are always looking to add to the list.
During our conversation, Meggie explained that domestic abuse casts a wide net and has a lot of points of intervention, if people know what to look and listen for. If we are going to end domestic violence, it is going to take all of us to do it. Meggie gave the example of hair stylists, because they often develop such close relationships with their clients. If they know what the signs are that someone is being abused or causing it, they can help bring an end to it.
It Is Possible
I first learned about VFMN years ago when it went by the name the Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women. In 2019, they changed their name. When I asked Meggie why they did that, she explained they did it for several reasons. The word “Battered” is pretty dated and not used much any more. They wanted a name that was more inclusive since domestic abuse doesn’t affect just women, and they wanted a name that was aspirational and hopeful.
Reading the 2023 Homicide Report and looking at the pictures of the 40 people whose lives were taken is sobering and heartbreaking. Their deaths are all the more senseless knowing they are the result of someone's need for power and control. But that same year nearly 53,000 people experiencing domestic violence sought help, so there is reason to hope. Meggie says her colleagues and people working at member organizations keep her hopeful amid everything that is really hard about this work. Ending domestic violence is a big goal, but VFMN is showing all of us it is possible.
Note to Readers
As this profile was being worked on Mariah “Riah” Samuels became the 17th confirmed victim of intimate partner violence in Minnesota. Her alleged murderer is an ex-boyfriend who assaulted her weeks before killing her. She had an order of protection against him which did not protect her.
Learn More
Visit VFMN.org to learn more about their work, how to get involved and to make a tax-deductible donation. Also, the most recent Homicide Report is available for download.
Resources for the Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse
